AVANCE-Family life gets a boost thanks to Guadalupe’s willingness to seek guidance

I came to the United States, met my husband, got married, and we have been together for 26 years. His family used not to like me because he is a Teacher, he has an education, and I don’t. His own family discriminated against me for not having a degree or at least a high school diploma. I’m from a ranch and didn’t know any better; I stopped going to school in 6th grade, that’s all the education I have, but I have always been eager to learn.

It took me a while to adapt to the new mom-and-wife role when I had my children, but I managed. My husband has always been very patient with me, and perhaps because he is a Teacher, he tells me that if I want to learn something is never too late to do so. So, when I learned about AVANCE, I didn’t hesitate to call and enroll in the program. I have learned so much!

I took the Healthy Marriage Program, which helped me better understand my husband. I learned that men also have needs and wants. They get depressed and often don’t show their feelings because they’re the providers and have an essential role to fulfill.

From the examples they showed in the Healthy Relationships workshops, I have implemented everything, even more in how I speak or handle our disagreements. Without proper communication, one can’t think the other person knows what one wants or needs.

I learned that there is no need to shout at each other, especially in front of the children. We learned to discuss our issues privately when the children were not around. This way, we are setting an example for them. How we talk to our spouse influences our children, and how we act or make decisions affects them too.

Our children are a direct reflection of us. I have become a more tolerant person for the well-being of my family.

I grew up in a home where my father was an alcoholic, and my mother physically punished us. That was the only way my mother knew how to discipline me and my siblings. I had a painful childhood. It is challenging to break the cycle when you come from a dysfunctional family.

Through the PCEP classes, I learned that you could discipline your children with love. By positively speaking to them, encouraging them, and not labeling or judging them, healing generational trauma isn’t easy, but it is possible with hard work.  

Although I took the parenting (Parent-Child Education Program, PCEP) workshops with Thomas, I applied everything I learned to raise my two teenagers, which has worked. I’m the proud mother of a child (John) who has been accepted into 22 universities, two of which are the best in the United States. He decided to go to Princeton University, a private ivy league university. He received a full-ride scholarship plus $40,000 for his excellent academic performance and is on the path to becoming a Historian.

Since a young age, John has been very focused in school. He has visited South Africa and Harvard University. He has been one of the few high school students who went to the Dominican Republic and represented the school district as a “Young Ambassador.”

I do not have a formal education, but my wish has always been for all my children to go to college, so I asked myself what changes I should make as a parent to reach that goal. The first step was not to use violence with them as my parents did to me.

Now, I take all kinds of programs that benefit my family and me.

Thomas joined AVANCE EHS when he was one year old. He has learned so much, and I am amazed at how smart and mature he is for his age. I love the way he speaks and how he socializes with others.

I have understood that not all children learn and develop at the same rate or in the same way. I have known to be more patient with Thomas because there is a significant age gap between Thomas and his siblings. I handled certain situations with my two oldest children differently from the way that I handled them with Thomas.

Everything I have learned at AVANCE, I’ve shared it with my husband, and we both work together as a team. The workshops have helped me and my family significantly.

Currently, I’m learning English, and today I can speak and understand it, perhaps not at 100%, but I can converse more fluently. I want to return to school to get my GED and eventually attend college. I have my husband’s unconditional support.

My extended family has the mentality of “you’re too old. You can’t change, or you can’t learn anything as an adult,” so breaking those barriers in my head was challenging but not impossible. I opted to walk away from the negativity that kept me from reaching my highest potential as a mother and a wife. Now, my brothers and sisters have noted the difference in my family and constantly asked what I have done differently, and I just replied: I sought guidance. I sought AVANCE.